Backwards Pass: FIFA, stands for Fucking Idiots Flailing Aimlessly

FIFA pulled out all the stops and went full on rage mode with the recent announcement of their official stance in handling Nigeria. 

Traditionally, FIFA has worked harder to keep politics and soccer separate from eachother than the Southern American states do to keep religion away from the civic sphere. So when Nigerian president Goodluck Jonathon officially disbanded the Nigerian national team from all international competitions after their dismal performance in the finals in South Africa, FIFA responded, albeit slightly delayed, with obvious logic: FIFA has threatened to punish the Nigerian government and football association by... banning the team from all international play.

Recursive cows from Brazil to Montana just face-hooved. Way to go Sepp, you've shocked and awed once again.

Sepp Blatter has Charm... with Words

 

You wonder by now, surely, who hasn't taken a swing at the Terry scandal so far? We've got journos, players, coaches, and old American television farts. But let's step up the classiness and sophistication here. 

"FIFA President Sepp Blatter is surprised that John Terry has been sacked as England captain and has said that the centre-back would have been applauded in some countries for having an alleged affair... Blatter joked that in "Latin" countries, Terry's conduct may not have been considered a problem."

Oh, do you hear that? Yes, exactly. That is the sound of dumb silence that follows Sepp Blatter's bald head. In this case, if you are "Latin", don't be mad. Even though he's already labeled 1.5 continents as emotionally promiscuous, you wouldn't want him calling you "anti-Africa" as well.

FIFA shows true colors, re-hires nincompoop ref

This is the man who broke the hearts of millions, and not just for drunken Irishmen. You may already know it, but I am a little resentful towards him, and towards bad refereeing in general, but I am not here to touch on the whole camera/traditional refereeing debate.

Nope, just pissed off and frustrated at another perennial annoyance. This.

FIFA has released the list of 30 referees that will be officiating the matches this summer. Somewhere in that crowd of blue, Martin Hansson's bald head is standing there open-mouthed breathing. This was the only response I could come up with in my head.

"Outstanding."

Bravo FIFA.

Blatter Part 2: God damnit

This is why I hate FIFA, bureaucrats, and politics in sports.

No, change that. I hate this man.

Jerome Champagne, a rival of Blatter within FIFA's ranks, was forced out after it was revealed he challenged Blatter over his role as director of international relations. Again, Champagne was described as one of Blatter's closest friends and most trusted advisor. This seems to officially kill any and all opposition to Blatter's throne next year.

So in another political move of removing any voice of opposition, this is what the latest victim had to say to Blatter after the announcement of his demotion.

Champagne said he wished "to thank Joseph S. Blatter for the real privilege of having been able to serve the world of football over the years, all in the noble cause of helping to build a better world.''

Fuck. That.

Backwards Pass: Bin Hammam, better than Blatter?

AFC head honcho has come out to suddenly backtrack on his disagreement with Sepp Blatter. Rumors were flying that FIFA president hopeful came out against Blatter in a row over allocation of funds for grassroots football in Africa. However, though the two have been described as good friends, bin Hammam seems quick to smooth over any rough edges.

It's understandable to do this for political reasons, if bin Hammam is really trying to move for the presidency, in maybe the next decade (or sooner if Blatter will finally roll over and die, good riddance). But it does nothing  else other than to solidify Blatter's monopoly on control and power within FIFA. Holy hell, even Platini doesn't have the balls to tell Blatter he is wrong to his face. In other words, Mohammad bin Hammam has the balls to stand up and do what he thinks is right. But is his meager 8 years of experience enough to guide him wisely?

He most likely won't be FIFA president for a long while, if at all, but damnit, we need more people like him coming out against Blatter.Sepp Bladderhead needs more reminders that he is not God Almighty.